“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our
lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those
who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have
chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds
with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be
silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who
can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,
who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and
face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a
friend who cares.” ~Henri Nouwen
–from Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend, by Lisa J. Copen
eclexia–
you have no idea how hard it is for a ‘mr. fix-it’ guy to approach friendship this way…
scott
Scott, I may not know exactly HOW hard, but I can probably get close imagining.
This is not a pass or fail thing as far as friendship goes. I do not do this well myself. I love and appreciate the active help and desire to help of each of my friends. Each one is very dear to me, and I do not dislike them or disregard the help they do give. My situation, however, is teaching us about facing the reality of our powerlessness in certain situations. It is hard, because sitting without frantically trying to cure and heal looks like giving up. And who wants to do that?
I have a friend who this quote reminds me of, and he models the courage and love shown in standing quietly together with another, tolerating not knowing, in the moments that that is, indeed, the most honest approach.
dear well wisher thanks for the words u have leave for me. i think the better way to get off the pain is not concentare on it till it goes out of emotion . paka (dev)
Hey! This quote is posted at the top of my good friend Kirsten’s blog right now! Gosh DANG, I love this quote. It epitomizes all that I have come to hold most dear and valuable in life right here and now, for the rest of my days. Thanks for the reminder. I cannot read this quote enough times.
I hadn’t read this Nouwen quote before (I have a few of his books)… it’s powerful.
Oh yes…incarnational presence. That willingness to suffer along side. It is a challenge and a privilege to be present with a friend in this way.