Thank you so much for all who have responded to my survey about church. I’m really thankful for all of your answers and the perspectives they give. Reading them, I feel like one of the blind men in the story of trying to comprehend an elephant without being able to see–each person’s perspective is a bit different and adds to the bigger picture.
My blogging has been fairly slow for a while–once or twice a week, usually on the weekends. This week I had a bit of an emotional and physical crash and am battling to cope, so I’m slowing down even more for the moment while I catch myself back up, especially emotionally.
Grief and questions and work and financial uncertainty and being there for my kids and loss upon loss and sadness and recovering from burnout and questions and more questions sort of pile up periodically and whack me over the side of the head. I read once how many calories thinking burns up. It makes sense that thinking “too much” (as my friends like to say about me), then, is also using precious energy. Unfortunately, I can’t just turn my brain off and stop thinking.
Usually, I can find rest in the middle of my brain going on and on, but when I’m worn down I’m not so good at it (the rest bit–maybe it takes some energy to be able to rest well.) Ironically, I made it through a few years of rather traumatic times and was graced with good rest for the duration, but, now that life itself has settled a bit, my sleep patterns are crazy and even when I’m sleeping, my brain seems to keep going chaotically. So for the past two weeks, I’m not even resting well when I’m sleeping.
The thing I am doing, then, is stopping trying to put words to my thoughts and feelings for a little while as that is an energy drain that I can control more easily than stopping the intensity of the thoughts and feelings. Maybe only a week, maybe longer. I don’t know. Blogging is an odd thing–when I’m able to find words for the stuff inside my head, it helps and gives me energy. But sometimes, that process is just too draining.
I wanted to let you know I’ve not disappeared completely or stopped blogging. Aso, if you’ve written or write me an email and don’t get an answer from me for a while, it’s not because I’m ignoring you–I always have a response inside of me, but not always the energy to put it in a form that actually communicates back. Your emails and comments comfort and encourage me, even in the in between time when I’m not writing back.